I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
