i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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