I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We have started to decorate penises.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
