Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
