How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
