Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
