i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
