He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
