Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
