With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
