I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
