Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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