i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
