i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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