dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
