So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
