Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
