areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
