wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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