he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
