The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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