Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
