i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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