walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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