Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
