I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
