Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
