my vag is so smooth its legendary
Everything about him screamed your future.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
