hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
