i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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