There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
