what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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