I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
