It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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