Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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