I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
