i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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