last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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