Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
