Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
