i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
