Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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