you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
