you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
