I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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