I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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