He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
