it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
