I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
