Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
