toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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