I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
