im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
