i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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