i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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