hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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