Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
