just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
