i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
