I want to have your abortion
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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