I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
