Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
