Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
