i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize