Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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