he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
