just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
COCAINE IS GR8
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
