My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
