hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
