Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
