i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
