he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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