well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
