i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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