Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
