I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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