He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
