someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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