Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
